HOME
EVENTS
ACCOMMODATIONS
PHOTO ALBUM
REGISTRY
MORE INFO
CEREMONY GUIDE
GUEST BOOK
|
| ceremony guide |
|
|
|
|
| ceremony guide |
| |
Not all Jewish weddings (not even all Orthodox Jewish weddings) are exactly alike. The following is a brief description of what is going to happen at ours. Some parts of the ceremony are ancient, others relatively recent; some (very few) are absolutely necessary for the marriage to be religiously valid, others are merely customary. Some of the names are Hebrew, some Aramaic, some Yiddish.
The first two events are simultaneous:
1. Kabbalat panim (literally, “receiving faces,” i.e. greeting the guests). The bride sits in a special chair, flanked by her mother and the mother of the groom. Guests line up to pay their respects.
2. Groom's tisch (literally, “table”). In another room, the groom is sitting at a long table. Two things will happen here. First, the ketubah, or marriage contract, is signed by two witnesses. This document (written in archaic legal Aramaic) commits the groom to care for the bride, and also grants her certain rights in case of a divorce. Second, the groom will give a short devar torah (a learned, or supposedly learned, talk about religious texts). However, it's traditional for everyone there to interrupt him by constantly breaking into song, making it difficult or impossible to finish. If you don't know the words to the songs, try singing along with “ay-yay-yay.”
Although Jewish weddings are not traditionally heavy-drinking affairs, there is always some liquor (and light snacks) at the tisch.
Feel free to go to either of these events, or to go back and forth. Both men and women are welcome at both.
3. Bedecken (literally, “covering”). The groom is escorted out to see the bride, amidst dancing and singing. (This is the first time they have seen each other in several days.) First he checks to make sure she's actually the right person. Then he puts down her veil. (The latter may actually be the most ancient part of the whole wedding ceremony, although it isn't considered legally significant.) At this point the bride and groom's parents will also give them their blessings.
4. At this point everyone should take their seats in the area where the main ceremony will be held. The ceremony takes place under a canopy, called the chuppah. Four friends and relatives will be honored with the job of holding up the four poles that support it. First the groom will walk up, escorted by his parents, then the two flower girls, and finally the bride, escorted by her mother. When the groom arrives at the chuppah, he puts on a special white garment known as a kittel. From now on he will wear this on Yom Kippur (and one day it will also serve as his burial shroud). It's traditional for the bride to walk around the groom seven times when she arrives, but we may or may not do this. Once everyone is up there, the rabbi will say a few words addressed to the bride and groom.
5. Erusin, also known as kiddushin (betrothal). The first stage of an Orthodox Jewish marriage is a legal transaction by which (from a traditional point of view) the bride is taken into the groom's household. The transaction is effected by the groom's giving something of monetary value to the bride, and by her acceptance of it. Today this is almost always a ring. Before the groom gives the ring he says (in Hebrew): “Behold, with this ring you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel.” The bride can signal her agreement simply by accepting the ring, or she can express it out loud (which we will probably do).
Since the marriage is actually a transaction between the groom and the bride, the rabbi does not literally perform it. So he will not say “I pronounce you man and wife.” But he will say a berachah (ritual benediction) before the ceremony, give the bride and groom some wine to drink, and then make sure that the ceremony itself is performed correctly. There are also two designated witnesses who watch the ceremony take place.
6. Reading of the ketubah. If you're fluent in Aramaic, you can keep track of exactly what the groom has promised. Otherwise just smile and nod. After the ketubah has been read, it's given to the bride, so she can use it to enforce her rights.
7. Nissuin (marriage). So far, technically, the bride and groom are only betrothed, not married. The actual marriage is marked by their sharing another cup of wine, over which seven more benedictions (the sheva` berachot) are said. Various friends and relatives will be given the honor of saying them. Drinking the wine together under the chuppah symbolizes the new household that the bride and groom are setting up together.
8. The groom steps on a glass, breaking it. Everyone shouts mazal tov (which literally means, “a good constellation”—i.e., roughly, “may this be a fortunate occasion”). There are various explanations for the origin of the glass-breaking ritual. One traditional explanation is that it symbolizes our sorrow over the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem (approximately 2000 years ago). A more anthropological view is that, in many cultures, there is a custom of making loud noises at happy events, to scare away envious evil spirits. Freudians, kabbalists, etc., have offered other interpretations.
9. Yichud (literally, “togetherness”—i.e., being together in private). The bride and groom go into a private room together and don't come out for a while. Yet another pair of witnesses stand outside the door to make sure they stay in there. In theory the marriage could be consummated at this time (although in fact we'll more likely just have a bite to eat).
10. Wedding meal. This is fairly self-explanatory. Note that religiously observant Jews ritually wash their hands before eating bread, and that many have a custom of not talking between when they wash and when they eat. So you might find yourself next to someone who is temporarily not talking. There will be some dancing and singing when the bride and groom first emerge from yichud, then more at the end of the meal. Men and women dance separately, usually in circles—it's not hard, so feel free to join in. There might also be some dancing in front of the bride and groom, to entertain them.
11. Birkat ha-mazon (grace after the meal). If you stick around until the end you will see this (but don't feel obliged to). It's a relatively brief prayer that is always said after any meal which includes bread, but the version after a wedding meal is a bit more festive, and it ends with another round of the seven benedictions (sheva` berachot) that were said under the chuppah.
|
| |
| |
|
|